1.
Women are considered as objects to be viewed,
used and abused. Media, including Hollywood garbage films, fairy tales [including
Grimes], religion, many institutions, and most businesses support this
disgusting belief/practice.
2.
We live in very hierarchical societies. Men
[some] are at the top. The rest of us are to strive to “get ahead” and strive
for wealth, power and fame. Our schooling, work, cultures, religions again
support this. People fear those “above” them. Most fear losing the approval of
“superiors”. We have no power and can
lose our jobs due to some whim of the boss. This is very much the foundation of
capitalism and what some call “democracy”.
We “need” a leader. What would we do if we shared power in all areas of
our lives? Imagine.
3.
Age-ism still controls our societies. The young
should [silently] obey elders. This is highlighted and esteemed in many
cultures, including indigenous cultures – as a means of oppression. On the
other hand, youth is romanticized and idealized in many respects.
4.
Civilization demands conformity. We are like
herd animals. We fear not fitting in. While we pretend and fantasize about the
lone heroes and rebels, they are rare and disdained on most levels. Again this
is taught and reinforced in all groups, cultures, religions, etc. Many deny
this, yet others, including indigenous and more traditional cultures esteem
conformity. In fact, all groups are unified through this mechanism.
5.
Our world is extremely Macho. Men must not cry.
Men can do what they want. Men are tough. Sports and the fetishism of sports
reinforces this maladjustment! Note the millions or billions that follow sports
that are violent and competitive. While competition can be healthy, when
athletes drug up and do almost anything to win – to be the hero [with corporate
sponsorship/endorsement] – something is wrong. Men still are praise to
“conquer” women sexually. And both sexes are esteemed for dominating Nature:
the destructive car is the weapon.
6.
We are insecure and seek the approval of others
– even above the approval of our-selves. Putney has termed this “indirect self
acceptance”. Some like M.Scott Peck thinks that the good father is good not
because he cares about his child but to receive praise from his neighbor.
7.
We lie to justify silence. “Oh I don’t want to
make the situation worse”…”I didn’t know what to do”… As therapist Alice Miller states, we need to
break down the wall of silence. Good luck everybody!
8.
We fear confrontation. While many clearly don’t,
but some do. So we would rather be dishonest to ourselves and to others than be
“uncomfortable”. Again we fear disapproval and being outcast from the group.
The lamest attack on the victim is “you’re too sensitive” [when it is the other
that really is…ie. Don’t reveal my faults or I will attack/belittle you].
9.
Imitation is the key to success in life. How oft
is the different child and then later, adult considered “weird”, “strange” etc.
They may have few or no friends because they don’t imitate the crowd. Perhaps
they don’t think, speak, buy, wear, etc. the same as the rest.
10.
Lastly, until we realize that most of the
problems are structural, nothing will change. We need all levels of religion,
culture, work, school to change. See my previous article that discusses how religion tells
women to cover themselves while men are free to do what they want. We also need
to acknowledge that many men are verbally and physically abused. This barely
gets discussed. Part of the problem is that men fear coming forth: they are
told to be silent, “silence is strength”. There are very few if any supports for
men. And a “real” “man” would never break the code of silence.
11.
The final is sexualization. This occurs when
non-sexual needs are misplaced as sexual ones. Most men dare not ask for a hug
when sad [most men never know/admit they have such a “weak” emotion]. No,
instead, but most men and many women will gladly punch you in the face. To
touch somebody in a sexual way should be replaced with a revelation of our true
deep feelings and needs. Affection and empathy are most likely what are needed
in such cases. But who has the courage to ex-press such needs and be
vulnerable.
